Guys and Girls: A Conversation
Me: How are things?
She: OK.
Me: That's pretty succinct. Nothing interesting happening lately?
She: Nothing Important. U? Why?
Me: What do I say to "why"? I skydived recently. It wasn't all that scary. Not at all, actually.
She: Hmmm ... well maybe one day I will go skydiving. I can't say I will, now ... I am too scared. I am a girl.
Me: I think that's understandable. It's okay not to go. Some guys I know chickened out so it's not even a sexist thing.
She: Well yeah ... I am a girl, so it's OK for me to be scared.
Me: That's not what I implied, although I may have implied that. I am scared to do a lot of things, BTW, that some girls aren't! I honestly don't think that's the issue.
She: I didn't even think you implied anything. That's my honest answer. I wasn't even being sarcastic ... U should know me better than that ... I am for women at home, and guys working.
Me: Oh well, I agree to the extent that there are things a woman would certainly be better at, and more suited to, than men. Most modern women wouldn't agree with you (perhaps) on the "at home" issue. I personally am fine with people believing either way ... as long as women and men are not bent upon exchanging each other's fundamental roles, you know ...
She: Yes, I know ... I am pretty traditional and old fashioned in my thinking. I think. I enjoy working and I think it is great that women work and everything ... I just think that it's OK if women want to stay at home with the kids ... because I personally think I would enjoy being with my kids and raising them Vs. working. But I do know that some women don't feel this way.
Me: When you say you are like that, do you mean only in tasks that require physical strength, daring and stuff - or mentally too. I mean, should the guy be the one "in control" - mentally? Should he "lead" the lives of the two people involved?
She: Heck, No! Ha ha ha! I am saying this is the function of roles ... guy buys dinner, food, house ... he provides ... he is strong mentally and physically and he leads the household. I think that he has to be strong for the family, yet weak in heart for his wife, if you know what I mean. I think women should be in control of the relationship ... I think women should have more power than men. Mentally I think the guy should do whatever the girl wants.
Me: Well ... I think I kind of see what you're saying. Don't you think the two people really need to be into each other for this to work? I think if they love each other (in at least some connotation of the word), what you're saying might work fine.
She: Well, I am happy you think what I'm saying works. What do you think? This is the way my family works.
Me: My family is kinda like that too. By the way, I do think (for experience, if nothing else) that girls are mentally stronger and emotionally more dominating (than men) many times. I might have felt like crying over things more often than you, for example :)
She: Nope, Nope, Nope! Guys have no feelings. Girls are always the one more attached. Girls are always the ones who lose in the end of any relationship (on an average). Guys have no heart and no feelings. They just play around and don't care. Girls get hurt more easily (when a couple gets hurt) ... It's always the girl who cannot concentrate anymore - the one who goes into depression or the hospital or whatever. Guys just go on. They may be sad, but they can still work. For girls, they cannot work anymore. It affects their whole life.
Me: Statistics lead to generalization. That leads to stereotypes. That leads to cynicism. That sounded cynical!
She: Guys are dogs. I have almost no mercy for guys. I have been screwed over many times.
Me: I am sorry to hear that. What can I (or anybody else) say? It wouldn't undo the hurt you are talking about. I do hope that things get better for you though. A person's sex is not all that much of a dominating factor in his emotional configuration - at least not for the exceptional kind. People who do have intellect and emotional intelligence.
She: Emotional != Intelligence, first of all. I am pretty loving as a girl, yet I have lots of bitterness. I really have no feeling when it comes to guys getting hurt. I think it is better for a guy to get hurt than a girl. I know all guys are not bad. I know that I have to trust guys, but honestly, I don't trust many guys. They all want ONE thing. They are all sick. Yet, I know that not all guys are this way. I know there are nice guys, but girls don't want nice guys: they always fall for the bad guy.
Me: There is such a thing (at least many people believe so) as emotional intelligence! You would be surprised to know that not only me, but many scientists, doctors and some random eminent people believe that. An emotionally intelligent person is in most cases regarded as more intelligent than an analytically intelligent person! I could try to explain this to you sometime if you are interested. It's a new (relatively) field of psychology/mind-studies.
She: Whatever.
Me: In any case, I wouldn't dare to sympathize with you, for fear of being stereotyped. You are baffling and weird. That's cool. (I guess).
She: Well, I am just hard on guys in a relationship. I am not talking about friends or anything. I feel sorry for my future boyfriend personally.
Me: (I do too).